Accepting no control IS your control...

Good Morning / afternoon / evening...beautiful people! I hope your week has been nothing less than amazing, and if it has been slightly below amazing, then I hope you can have the optimism and will to turn it around and make it better because guess what - you're never going to get another chance to live this week out ;)

So...I'm going to preface this post by first and foremost saying this is a topic that is a HUGE...MASSIVE....GIGUNDO (spell check doesn't think that's a word but I disagree so I'm not fixing it), work in progress for me.  Honestly, I may be the worst person in the world when it comes to this topic. But...I've recognized it's a weakness of mine and it is something that has been a top priority for me to work on, over and over and over again, until I get it right.

Most of us have the common thought that the more control we are able to have over our life and what happens in our life the happier we can be.  However,  what we fail to recognize (most of the time) is the attempt to control events that are not meant to be controlled will bring an overwhelming sense of unhappiness. It's quite the paradox, the ability to take control should bring us a sense of security and comfort, yet the overuse of trying to get that control can cause depression, anxiety, and pure destruction in our life.  

Let's get a little more specific, let's first talk about addiction. Addiction can be defined as "a complex condition, a brain disease that is manifested by compulsive substance use despite harmful consequence."  Most of us would look at addiction as someone's loss of control of their self-control, in fact, the substance itself has the control, making the individual a slave to IT.  It's ironic though, most addictions are started because the individual is seeking some kind of control over a certain aspect in their life.  For example, someone who has experienced some traumatic event, or is constantly stressed, may start to use alcohol or drugs to control their mood and alter it to make them feel better...even if it's a temporary fix.  Doing this over and over again, will eventually lead to the addiction of NEEDING the alcohol or drugs IN ORDER to feel good at all.  Or, someone who has an addiction to purging after they eat...it starts because they may feel like the don't have any control over what they eat or the amount they eat, so the act of purging that food is their way of controlling the aftermath of the "damage". So, a big part of the core of addiction is a desire to control one's state through destructive means, which eventually as we all know leads to the actual loss of control for that person, the irony. 

How about control and depression, are they linked?  People who are depressed are extremely pessimistic.  They always look at life with the glass half empty, things that could go wrong for them DO go wrong for them, everyone is out to get them and they were doomed from the beginning.  A lot of people don't have the patience to talk with or deal with depressed individuals because they just see them as being negative and not wanting to change.  However, what most people fail at recognizing is that the pessimism and negative attitudes that these individuals possess may be their safety blanket, their "control" over certain situations.  You see, if a depressed person expects bad things to happen, then when those bad things DO happen they believe they are less likely to be disappointed about it....it's their attempt to control the inevitable (or what they believe to be the inevitable). These people have been led to this way of thinking and "control" because of negative experiences in their past that have led to hurt or sadness. So their depression they are experiencing has as much to do with previous scarring of their past as it does with attempting to prevent future scarring.  Again, it's their desire to control their situation, through destructive means, the irony. 

We can even take this to control and relationships.  When we have gone through life and have experienced heart breaks and deceit from previous people who we loved and cared about it is going to have somewhat of en effect on us for future relationships.  We develop the sense of desire for control for any future interactions between us and someone we find interest in.  We want to know what's going to happen, what they are thinking, if they are interested in us for the right reasons, if they are going to lie and deceive us like previous people have....etc.  However, that control leads to paranoia, which leads to creating situations that don't even currently exist...dooming us before anything even has the opportunity to unfold.  AGAIN, it's our desire to control our situation, through destructive means, THE IRONY. 

We all do it...we all have experienced these types of things to some kind of degree or another.  Whether we are just a pessimistic person or we are clinically depressed.  Whether we are addicted to some substance or just eat certain foods when we are sad.  Whether we have been totally heart broken and experienced a huge loss that effects our every thought, or simply have had bad relationships that make us a little worried about the intentions of anyone that comes in our life.  But what we have to remember....what I have to remember, and what you have to remember....the act of accepting no control, IS YOUR CONTROL. Living life to the fullest, being a good human, doing things because you choose to do them and it's what makes you happy...and then ACCEPTING that whatever happens from there is out of your control. That's all we can do.  That's all we SHOULD do.  Because in the long run, that's what's going to make us the best version of who we are and what we are capable of becoming.  Control our thoughts, control our actions, and then control our REactions....everything outside of that we gotta just roll with.  This life isn't always going to be butterflies and daisies... but it's losses and heartbreaks and struggles we experience that allow the beauty of life to be even more beautiful. It's what allows the love and joy to be all the more evident when we see it.  It's what makes life worth living. 

Okay...time to get the day moving.  I hope you all have an amazing and beautiful Tuesday.  Do something that makes you a better version of you today.